it's okay to feel like hell, BUT...

...just make sure to cool off and come out of it.

it's okay to be afraid, wag lang maging praning to the point na naglulupasay ka na sa iyak, o nagmumukmok sa kawalan ng pag-asa.

then again.
the past weeks is hell.

and the feeling of being alone in this city is becoming unbearable.

parang gusto mo ng sumabog sa sama ng loob, sa awa sa sarili, sa pagod, sa kawalan ng makakapitan.
nakakalimutan mo na ang power ni God, ang fighting spirit mo, ang positivity. hindi na option ang faith para lumakas. nabubura na siya sa isip mo dahil natatabunan ng ito ng mga reklamo sa sarili mong kahinaan, hinanakit mo sa mga katrabaho mo, pangungulila at tampo mo sa pamilya mo.

nag-iinarte ka pang sarilinin lahat ng bigat na dalahin mo bilang pagrerebelde sa mga taong mahal mo na pwedeng makatulong sa'yo, kung hahayaan mo.

pero dear, telling the world that you're weak too is good. because then, ironically, it's manifesting strength within you. the power to admit weakness with the willingness to overcome it, of course.

you must know, my friend, that no one must stay long in hell, in fact no one must be in hell.

dear, may i just remind you...

still, heaven is the best place to be.

 

ADIK NA MASCOM

MAHIRAP ANG MASCOM GRAD


hindi naman ako nasa call center para mapuyat ng ganito. daig ko pa ata ang nurse sa pag-iingat na wala akong bilin na makalimutan. para akong doctor na laging on-call. kakosa na din ang feeling ko, malaya nga pero di ko na mapuntahan ang gusto ko. PERO. para akong adik na suki sa rehab, alam na ang hirap, sige pa din sige. kahit hirap, masarap.


MASCOM GRAD NGA AKO.


FEB 22 2012

who am i, now?

my soul is crying.
i am not me, anymore.i thought i was good. better. i am not anymore.
pilit kong iniiwasan na wag matulad sa kanila, and was partly proud i am not.
but no. eventually, i am becoming like them.

i don't want to be a monster.

na-trigger pa nang may mapanood akong wedding video. you could see the happiness of the bride and the love of the groom. it has a blissful aura.-- natuluyang tumulo luha ko. it was so happy that it made me realize how sad and alone i am.

At Long Last-With the Dolphins! And Thoughts After...

I promised myself to go to Ocean Adventure today, didn't i?

And i did tell you how i was not able to go the first time, didn't i? Did i mention the cause?
I did. And it happened again.

Again!

I woke up late! For our 5am pull-out at ABS, i woke up 7:30AM and was left behind. AGAIN!
I had 14 missed calls from my workmate. Goodness! I even alarmed my phone at 4am and these 14 missed calls should have made me wake p from my slumber!

Anyway, natawa na lang ako. And because i was so determined to go, i went ahead. By hook or by crook, this time, i must really see the dolphins.
I took a bus going to Olongapo as advised by our supplier/driver for the day.

I managed to be independent and i was glad i had that experience. Paalis pa lang ako ng Maynila, ang mga kasama ko nakarating na ng Subic. I missed Eco Park, but that's fine, at least nakatipid ako. I had to be thrifty kasi wala kaming sasahurin sa next pay roll, wala kasing taping. So, sabihin na nating blessing in disguise. I would come back with family and experience Zoobic Safari na din.

Masaya yung experience, i was able to touch the dolphins. Meron din palang Swim Encounter and Dive Encounter with them but it would cost me 2K+ and 4K+ respectively. Too much for my salary today. It inspired me to really save some bucks.

This experience made me realize not everyone could have the luxuries of life man has to offer, really.

But one could have them freely if they go the natural way. I could get to swim with the dolphins if i went my own to some uncommercialised islands. I'm sure that of all 7,107 islands the Philippines have, i could still to one that could get me the chance of an encounter with dolphins. Pinagkakakitaan lang kasi ng ilang tao yung nature na libre namang binigay ng Diyos. Pero dahil,marami ng nagmarunong na pagkakitaan sila, maghahanap na lang ako ng unexplored place. Uunahan ko din sila.

Nature lang din napag-uusapan, bigla ko ding navisualize sarili ko as a farm girl. Merong manukan at babuyan, ang a farm to till and harvest. Then maybe a restaurant. Then my dream bookstore cum cafe.

Hay, dreaming really is amazing, it takes you to places. Planning seems to be invigorating, but acting on it seems to be a lot of burden, gives a toll of idleness. Seems to good to be true. Afraid i t wouldn't come true. You couldn't wait to make it happen yet you dread its impossibility. The fact that you think it's not possible makes you more impossible to be. Ah. Basta.

I finally met the dolphins!

:D

Free Donna to Meet the Dolphins!

Ito na ang simula ng pagbabago. DAPAT.
Or else, my life would not be progressive as i've dreamt it to be.

Let's start small.

I grew up with Disney Princesses and Prince Charmings, talking dogs and pigs, and adorable seemingly harmless whales and dolphins. One movie, for instance, which i and my cousins were fond to watch repeatedly is Free Willy 1, 2, and 3. It doesn't fail to make me cry every time. I just love Willy.I hope he lives forever kahit pa fiction lang yun.

So, imagine my excitement when i learned that we will be having a field trip to Subic Ocean Adventure. I was in my 3rd year high school then. The night before our 2am pull-out, i was ready to go. More than ready that i could not get a sleep or even a nap. Anyway, i was feeling uneasy by that time, i had a slight cold and fever. Di ko namalayan kakahintay ko sa oras na umandar nakatulog na din pala ako. I was dreaming of dolphins. Too bad, that would be the only chance i could be with them because i woke up at 4am. I was hysterical, panicking because i am late. I was hoping the bus would wait for me. But in the end, for much too good to have i thought it would also be easy to lose. I didn't hope much. But Pa, who was guilty too kasi napasarap din tulog, was optimistic and convinced me to still go and check.
We went and confirmed i was really left behind. Pakonsuelo, ang sabi ng school guard hinintay pa ako ng isang oras.

I went hope crying, nagtatantrums. Sinisisi ang sarili, sinusumpa ang pagtulog, tortured of images of classmates enjoying the dolphins. When they came back, i couldn't ask them about their trip or even look at their pictures. For awhile, my name became known, si Donna Pasion na naiwanan ng bus. My friends said our teachers keep anouncing my name in hope someone would answer and say 'Present!'. Oh well, good thing my closest friends, 7 days, were their to console me, since they didn't plan on going for the trip in the first place.

BUT now, tomorrow. My togetherness with the dolphins would finally come true!

One check to my To Do Lists before i die. :D

Thank you, God.

(Magtitipid ako after, :D)

djp